either way, my brain is exhausted.

Here I am writing my blog entry because I don't want to do other schoolwork at the moment. Ehe...
Welp, I got through my ACT, and it's... eh.
The english and essay sections were so easy...
Except for the reading, it was easier than the math & sciences, but but not as easy as the essay and english stuffs.
Science would have been okay, but they used so many science-y terms, it took forever to read/understand...
Math just. XD Oh man. I skipped anything that involved sin/cos/tan & functions. I just can't math. D: What kind of Asian am I.

Tomorrow's Thursday. :V Usually my have-fun day since I like most of my classes on that day but for some reason I feel oddly nervous! Why. I don't even have that much homework.

The harvest party thing is on Friday, but I'm not going, lol.
I'm going to stay home as usual on my computer...
I really don't feel like writing much right now... I'm hungry and have a headache.

Time for random writing.

The email I use for this blog is lovelost.elegy@gmail.com ha, based on this song.
I just like all the songs by this composer. They're catchy. ヾ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
I know how to sing this song, but I'm normally to scared to really sing it out since I am afraid of being loud.
But the fast part in the middle is really really fun to singgg~ And it's in my range, hooray!
Also yes I know it's a bit of a depressing song...? All of the composers songs are like this though. But I like looking at how to interpret this kind of thing. Maybe that's why I like his songs so much. Catchy tune + open to interpretation. I don't know how to interpret this one myself, though.

The girl and the boy somehow separate then the boy falls into some kind of state she has to save him from? Who knows. @A@

Weh. I want to learn an English version too, because some of the English versions out there are pretty bomb. |D Maybe I will post some singing on here sooner or later.

TIME FOR another spam of doodles I do while in Modern lit/during lunch/during math/during Japanese, yes? It hath been too long. I planned to post them every week but I kept getting lazy. XD

Musings on future happenings?

Well I owe my blog a post for last week actually, but I'll write this week's after my silly ACT test! That's on Sunday. I am only slightly deathly afraid! I mean, that one test isn't going to determine my future. I just know it'll help a lot if I do well. So I'm a bit er...

Scatterbrained these last two weeks. Awful. @A@
But!
Hopefully I will do well on it. No. I will do well on it, and I'll cry of happiness then go and thank my best friend for paying for my study book by drawing her pictures until my right hand falls off.

Then go back to studying for the normal SAT. Ugh. How will I do it.......
Mariah (or was it Mrs. Schneider?) asked me how I'm doing it all. Taking like 11 classes, I mean. I don't really know. I just am...? I am dying under it all, though. But it's all for the good of things, right?

Hmm... I'm sort of sad I only got to stay at Homelink so long. Only a year and a half-ish. And I'm going to college out of state (well at least I hope so, my top colleges are both in Massachusetts so we'll see), I wouldn't be able to visit often either.... probably just... fly back to bring Yuka & crew to Anime Central. -shrugs- Depends on the schedule! But I'll miss everyone. ; ~ ;

Speaking of Anime Central...
Why is the date this year so wonky? Why you do this coordinators. It's from April 27-29 I believe, which is yes, a weekend, but not a weekend where I'm already on summer vacation. Which worries me.

Then guess what else?!

Prom is on April 26.

And I'm required to go to prom, says my mom. And I kinda do wanna go so I can get my hanfu. A hanfu is a traditional Chinese garb worn typically by noble females in China during the Han Dynasty. Hence HANfu. It's a beautiful garment and I have wanted one forever but they're expensive, so I figured, hey, girls spend a bunch on their prom dresses right? So could I be a bit different and spend about the same amount on a lovely piece of clothing I would use more than just once?

Because yes, I think my mom would let me go to prom in a hanfu. Well, when I asked, she sort of maybe-nodded. Yuka said I would stand out but it's just one night right? And my hanfuuuu! Want so badly. Although Mariah said, and I quote, I would "look hot". 8| What. Definitely not what I was going for, but thanks nevertheless. What I want is elegance and oriental-ity I guess. `w` Use my looking of Chinese to my advantage! Then maybe once prom is done I will take the outfit and do pretty photoshoots in it when I have confidence. Yes.

( this is the hanfu I showed Mariah. XD I would get one that didn't really drag on the floor, though )

I seem to have gotten off subject...

But if prom is April 26 then that means we have to probably miss the Friday con day. Not so bad, but still my sads, I don't like missing any con days.... But ah well. Saturday is where it's at anyways. My sister doesn't know who to go as, but I'm probably gonna still choose Taiwan & maybe one other character. Perhaps Hikari from Pokemon if my sister wants to go as Touko that badly. :3c

( Hikari is the one under Spring, Touko the one under Autumn ~ )

And there's my 20 minutes!

Hooray~

Time to sleep or something...

a post in which I only say positive things about myself...?

Ahh... before when I was having a self-worth depression phase again (i.e. just a day or time when I suddenly feel like I'm nothing special & that I am alone and should just give up, happens few times every month orz) I told my sister I would make a list of things I like about myself and things I'm good at, but never got around to that...

So here I am. :B
I should have done this months ago but ehh...
Also, I always feel like I should explain myself to not sound so.. conceited?
I'm not, I really am not. I don't think highly of myself. I think quite lowly of myself. （´・ω・｀）So the following list is a sort of really embarrassing to write out... -sigh-

I dunno, to me, all my skills in various things are just average. They're just me-level. They are a level which I am not satisfied with. But I have others saying "you're good at x stop doubting yourself!!"

Uh, here I go then.
Warning: There are things here some probably won't understand as they are internet-y and geeky. I'm sorry.
Under a cut because it's wordy and long because. But there are pictures? XD

This is probably going to sound very abnormal to all of you.

(Warning this post is very long and flashback-like. If you want to skip to just how my day was, scroll downnnn)

Before I begin, let me explain.
I have a... somewhat bad case of social anxiety. ;w;
What's that, you ask?
Um... to put it in a nutshell, social situations make me uncomfortable or overly nervous.
That's the main reason I chose to homeschool when I entered high school. Teenagers terrify me, and I am one.
Am I weird yet? :D

When I visited my local high school in 11th grade to take the PSAT, I shook. Like shaking, like when one is cold. I was scared of all the people. ;u;
When I visited that same high school to take the SAT, I shook less, but actually felt awful because I got lost like a stupid person and ended up entering the test room last, which meant like everyone looked up and watched me come in and sit down. It made me uncomfortable. Plus also being around so many people my age. (From 6th-8th grade, I went to a small one-room school, and was always the oldest, so...)

But even if I have social anxiety...
I get lonely very, very easily. It's the whole reason I took up tutoring kids from my old school in my 10th & 11th grades. I felt lonely at home. But then my mom got remarried and we moved. So I was lonely again! D:

Wow, this is sounding like a very depressing story haha, it'll get better, I swear!

So I looked up homeschooling resources online, and eventually somehow found a link to Homelink. And holy-moly, when I read about it, did it sound awesome.

Going to class once a week to be taught by a real teacher! Score.
No running or yelling in the hallways! Yay! (I'm a quiet person, er, loud noises both irritate and scare me.)
No hugging between boys and girls? I'm safe! Yay. No contact with scary boys!
Doesn't sound like a big program, probably aren't a lot of kids, yeah!

... lol then I signed up. And went to visit.

KIDS RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS.
BOYS AND GIRLS INTERMINGLING EVERYWHERE.
NOISE, NOISE, NOISE.
LIKE 250 TEENAGERS.
ASDJFLSKJALSKDJFSF.

Man, when Mrs. Mullins brought us down to the cafeteria hall thing, I was terrified. Then she called Yuka & Kalli over to say hi and I was like "n-no no no it's okay it's fine I don't have to talk to anyone I'm just here to see please don't make me say hi oh god" and I was hiding behind my mom lol, who told me to shush.

I mean seriously I looked awful my hair was a mess and everything. :( I didn't know I'd actually see people...!

Then on my first day I sat by myself. I didn't wanna intrude on other peoples' tables with my lowly presence.
Then they all came over to me >:C And I inwardly freaked out. Like, jeepers, WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE DOING HERE DO YOU REALIZE YOU ARE SITTING WITH A SOCIAL UN-BUTTERFLY. A SOCIAL CATERPILLAR. A SOCIAL UM... is larvae before caterpillar?

But I clicked with Yuka & Kalli since they liked anime and the like. c: Uwuwuwu.
And became intimidated by Keaton. :( TOO FRIENDLY AND FORWARD AND QUESTIONS LEKRJELARKG like the "so what do you honestly think of us" one
But it's ok.
Because today I realized I'm happy coming to school every Tuesday & Thursday.

Today!

Today I asked someone if their calculator was new instead of just assuming it (which I normally do because I'm too scared I'll talk and they won't hear me and I'll feel like ignored and just alerkjge;g)
Today, I stated the question I needed help on, instead of being scared of looking stupid. >:U And got the question right in the first place. Way to go self.
Today, I smiled at someone I didn't know~
Today, when Janelle said hi to me, I happily said hello back! :D I actually surprised myself then, I thought "uh woah that came out happier than I intended"
Today, I touched Kellin's poodle hair. :I Not sure if this is positive but oh well.
Today, I asked Stetson what classes he was in instead of just guessing and wondering forever. He also told me my shirt was nice.
Today, I told Yuka something really embarrassing about myself and she didn't judge me and we laughed about it and laughed some more.
Today, Yuka showed me weird things in her magazine that made me choke on my food because they were so ridiculously funny and just alkrgje;rgk
Today, someone told me I had nice pants on. Sparkly. xD
Today, I asked Keaton for a hug. |･ω･｀) Fun fact: I love hugs. Fun fact #2: I have a slight phobia of males due to some bad experiences I had when I moved here. So yay, progress! >:V

;3; Homelink makes me happy.
I'm not so shy anymore. (ﾟ▽ ﾟ)
I'm not so scared anymore.

It feels like an accomplishment.~

If you read all of that, srsly come here so I can give you a virtual hug. c: -hugs-

As for rl hugs we will have to see about those lol. >.<;